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Los Angeles Life Coach Laura Asks: Do New Year’s Resolutions Work?

A Life Coach or Career Coach Can Make the Difference

You know the drill.  It’s the new year and you have a new resolve to lose the weight,  start exercising, quit smoking, begin meditating, etc.  Or maybe this year you’re resolved to finish the book you’ve been dabbling with, or get that promotion that’s overdue, or navigate a transition to a new, more meaningful career – one that makes you want to get out of bed in the morning.

You start off strong. This is the year you’re going to do it. After six weeks or so, you’ve built up some momentum and confidence. You’ve started to make some progress and you’re feeling good. And then March rolls around. Distractions surface. Stuff happens to usurp your time and money. It’s tax time after all.  Or maybe fear and doubt creep in. Old patterns of thinking sabotage your progress. You tell yourself this is temporary and when the weather gets warmer, you’ll re-double your efforts and start anew.

Now it’s summer and you’re back on it. The sun is out, the weather is warm and you’re feeling optimistic. You’re going to stick to it this time. You start to regain the momentum from earlier in the year. Then as the weather turns colder, stuff happens again. More distractions. Life gets increasingly hectic as the holidays approach. And when the holidays hit, you tell yourself:  “Just get through the holidays.”

You decide to table everything until the new year…and then the cycle begins again.

If all of this sounds familiar, then hiring a life coach, career coach or spiritual coach might be the way to go this year. One of the reasons why coaching works is that it’s a support structure that holds you accountable for your progress. Life coaching and career coaching (as well as other types of coaching such as spiritual, business, relationship, etc.) keeps you focused when will power waxes and wanes and distractions deter your progress. And on a deeper level, coaching works because it helps you to dissolve the soundtracks from the past which sabotage your future.  Since I began coaching in 2005, I have found that fear and doubt are the two biggest reasons why people don’t achieve their goals. Distractions are the third.

But life coaching or career coaching is not meant to be a permanent support structure.  A good life coach or career coach strives to coach you to independence – not dependence. So a skillfully trained coach works with you to create other, long-term support structures to help you not only attain your goals but sustain them, long after the coaching is over.

Resolve this year to make your resolutions work. Give yourself the support to attain and sustain your progress throughout the year so you can make 2011 the time in which you achieve the personal and professional success that has eluded you in the past.

Posted by Laura Svolos, Certified Professional Coach and Swami of Kriya Yoga specializing in life, career, relationship and spiritual/wellness coaching.

Take the first step in making your resolutions work, schedule a free consult with Coach Laura.

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Self Coaching Moment

It was summer 1994 and I found myself at the Woodstock music festival.  The people, the amazing music, and if you remember reading about the event – yes, there was rain! In the midst of the downpour, I was trying to make my way to the Aerosmith stage.  But, I could barely move.  My flip flips were sticking deep in the mud.  And so, after a bit of mental struggle- I let them go.

Yep, I left the flip flops in the mud and made my way to the stage where a man was about to challenge his shrilling vocal cords as he sang to a crowd of thousands.  A literal example of letting go, yes I was stuck so I decided to go for it and let go.  Now mind you, that meant I was barefoot in the mud for the rest of the weekend. But, you know what? I felt free. I was going with the flow of the music and the crowds and I relinquished my former thought of having to wear shoes.

Life Coach and Yoga Teacher

Fast forward to present day and as a life coach and yoga teacher, I often encounter clients who are stuck emotionally which carries into their careers, relationships- you name it .  But it goes well beyond mud, they are stuck and are on the path of losing themselves.  While I find myself guiding them to go with the flow and let go of what is causing them to sink deep, I do realize it is one of those easier said than done suggestions.  But, does it really need to be that hard?  Not if we can identify what we need to let go of.  Time to take an honest look inside.

Coach Wendy’s coachable moment

Find a quiet space (or a loud space if you can reflect in that environment) and bring your journal or laptop to capture thoughts.  First ask, am I going with the flow of life?  Or, do I feel stuck?  What are you holding onto that is causing you to be stuck in life?  Is it your way of thinking, lack of time for yourself, your desire to always be pleasing others, your constant sacrificing of your personal time for work, debilitating worry, stress, fear, anger, etc etc?  Once you can see what is getting in your way, then identify why you are holding onto it?  For example, if you are constantly trying to please others, why are those people important in your life–or, are they?  Is it time to let go of some people that don’t fit in the life you want to live?  Once you can see what is getting in your way, you can then begin to let go.  Really let go…so you can live in your flow and recapture a feeling of freedom.

Are you ready to let go?  Contact Coach Wendy Billie for a free coaching consultation.

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The Story: During a recent chat with a friend, he said “you called at the perfect time, I was having a zen moment”.  A zen moment…ahhh…you can visualize it right? I am sure he was walking along a free flowing creek, listening to the sound of the water rushing over the rocks, and gazing at the sun shining through the treas.  Oh, and I am sure he was sipping a cup of tea, listening to the birds sing, and watching his dog bound up ahead through the tall grass.  Wait!  That is my zen moment.

I created that zen place in my mind years ago as I was searching for ways to find peace in the midst of a crazy chaotic day. How do you find zen moments as life challenges come rushing towards you?  Where is your zen place that will instantly bring a feeling of peace to you?  Remember, you don’t have to physically be there…you just have to dream a little…be creative…and take yourself to your zen place for a moment of peace anytime.  Yes, you can even go there while sitting at your desk pounding away at work tasks.

Coaching moment: Take some time to visualize your zen place.  Etch it in your memory and visit it anytime.  You will feel an instant sense of peace and maybe; just maybe…it will give you an opportunity to approach the challenges placed before you with ease and grace.  Get your life coaching consultation from Coach Wendy now.

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As a Parenting Coach and Parent, Stepping Back and Looking at the Forest While Implementing Your Action Plan is Key

Parenting is the hardest job in the world.  Keeping an objective focus, bouncing ideas off of an objective third party, and keeping it all in perspective is key to sanity – and good parenting.  Having a parenting coach sounds goofy to some – it did to me.  But, really being able to keep perspective and to help talk through ideas to improve your skills in one of (if not the) most important job in your life – doesn’t sound so silly when the job and the joy of parenting is put in perspective.

Let me put my money where my mouth is, and share a very personal story that led me to believe that investing in a parenting coach will result in more confidence, better parenting (which in part is from confidence), more well-rounded kids, and perspective.  Here is my story:

When we got the news, we were sitting at a gas station – somewhere in West Virginia.  We were on the way to Williamsburg – a week vacation that we had planned for a long time.  It was hot and humid, and we had been driving for only a couple of hours on our second day of travel.  The kids were all awake, had been well behaved, and they were all laughing.  Henry, of course, had the loudest and deepest chortle – with a smile from ear to ear.  His laughter and happiness are infectious, and really have been a medicine for all of us. 

As I climbed back in the van, having gassed up, with the kids laughter in the background, Kristen was on the phone.  The conversation was serious, but Kristen, as she always does, brought comfort to the caller – she was gracious and kind – knowing at some level how difficult it was for Shirley to deliver the news that afternoon.  I quieted the kids down, and soon wish that I hadn’t.  Quieting the laughter, in retrospect, was so wrong. 

I knew Shirley; she was Henry’s neurologist’s assistant – she was to call about his biopsy results.  Before Kristen got off the phone, I knew the news.  I am no sleuth.  Kristen talked about the team that would be assembled, she talked about scheduling, and was being given websites to browse.  His biopsy confirmed the feared diagnosis.  Henry has a mitochondrial disease.  When Kristen pressed, Shirley specified that he had a form of the Complex 1 mitochondrial disease. 

To receive the news at a gas station somewhere in West Virginia was ironic and definitely consistent with our journey.  For years, we had been in search.  In search for answers, a diagnosis, a treatment, a reason.  And, we had seen dozens of doctors, in many hospitals, in three states all across the country.  We moved, in part, to be close to the program where Henry could get the treatment.  And in that program, they tell us that he has a much bigger problem. Our poor little Henry sent off again to more (and different) doctors for more tests, more procedures, more unknowns.  So, after all of this, we sit at a gas station in West Virginia to be given the diagnosis.  Right now, it is an answer (though not the one we wanted), that creates so many more questions.  The journey continues.

When Kristen got off the phone, we did not lose our cool.  I said “he has it.”  Kristen nodded, and we started a movie for the kids.  In our own bubble in the front of the car, with Scooby Doo muting our conversation, Kristen told me her conversation.  The most I remember from those several minutes were my impression that Shirley was kind in her delivery.  The type of kindness that we never wanted to have to face.  And hadn’t before.  She told Kristen that Henry would be a candidate for the Mitochondrial Clinic, and that we would have an appointment with the neurologist, geneticist, and a genetics counselor.  She also said not to despair – that everyone responds differently and that there could be development in the field.

Those later comments took me back to Dr. DeGraw (Henry’s neurologist) comment to me when I pressed him about prognosis – if Henry had a mitochondrial disease.  He told me not to research it, not to cross the bridge before we get there, that medicine is miraculous, but “to answer your question, the prognosis is not good.  There is no cure, and there are no survivors so far.”

The kids engrossed with Scooby, Kristen and I used the gas station parking lot as our internet library.  Both of us on our Blackberries, we went to the site that Shirley directed us to.  Like with many things, Kristen was faster than I.  At first, when she said “Complex 1,” I thought she said it is a “complex one” meaning difficult.  So, I am slow.  She grabbed my hand and said, it is neuro-degenerative and progressive.  Could result in hearing and vision loss – before the mulit-system failure.  The one we didn’t want to have – of course.  Essentially, Henry’s cells do not have the energy necessary to have his organs do what they need to do.  It is system wide, and with age, the energy drops more and more, affecting new systems in different ways, in no particular order.  The disease progresses until there is not enough energy for life function.  So, he will pass with this – unless our prayers are answered (and medicine comes a long way fast).  The fact that several of his systems have already been affected (called early onset) is not a great sign – just from a pure time standpoint.  The literature points out the obvious – the later the onset and the slower the progression, the longer the life expectancy.  But, it is all very individualized.  So, we are not defeated. 

After our internet café parking lot picked up with traffic, we got back on the road.  As tears streamed down her face, I could show no emotion.  My stomach was in knots, and I’m sure that my next questions seemed like what a medical student would ask a mentor – not a father of a sick son.  I asked, “Will he degenerate cognitively?” (as I can’t imagine our smart little boy in that state).  Then, I asked “What about Luke?”  Kristen knew the questions were almost rhetorical, and we just exchanged painful glances.

On the trip, for the first time, we both noticed (though we didn’t discuss for the week) that Henry was quite drained.  He refused to walk, saying he couldn’t for a few days.  The trooper was tired.  Many days, he was too tired to laugh.  Henry, too tired to laugh, was very painful for us.  It could be emphasized because we knew, but it was what it was. 

Our next discussions turned to what we have always come back to – making sure that our family is whole, happy, and complete.  The goal has never changed from the start.  We love our family so much, and are so lucky to have each other.  We are focused on giving all of our kids the most full (but “normal” – whatever that means) life that we can.  The kids are all very happy, and we plan to keep it that way.  There is a bit of an ominous burden in the back of our minds – that we want to make sure we know what full is (we think it is love), and the journey ahead and the time we have is uncertain.  As is whether Luke will also fall victim to the disease, or his recent symptoms (gastrointestinal, eye issues – and his hypothyroidism) are just coincidental.  So, we will take it one step at a time, get Henry his treatments (whatever they may be – there are some experimental ones out there), and cherish every day.

Of course, our story is not unlike many others.  Everyone has a challenge – some more difficult than others.  But, keeping perspective and the eye on the ball – providing the opportunity for a full and happy life (whatever its length) to our children is the lesson here.  I know that as well as anyone.

And the bottom line, our story is just the beginning. What we needed, got and continue to get, were specific ideas and ways to achieve these goals.  Not just the “be happy” goal.  We captured our ideas in starting a non-profit for kids like Henry – Henry’s Hope, Inc. – www.henryshope.org.  That was a specific and effective strategy – that, we as a family, work on.

Good parenting coaches provide specific ideas to try out (we don’t have the answers as there aren’t right and wrong in parenting) – but you deserve someone that has experienced a lot, fouled up, got help, and can provide kind, useful, and helpful insight into the issues we all face as parents.  Choosing to get the help – whether through a parenting coach or other means – is a brave and humbling act as a parent.  Call today for a free consult.

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There are a variety of reasons to meditate.  Some meditate for stress reduction. Others do it to improve their sleep; while others strive for more mystical benefits. But another good reason to meditate is that it is a great tool for anyone who is seeking to make a transformation.  And this is why I use it in my work as a coach and wellness teacher. With all of my coaching clients, whether they are seeking life coaching, spiritual coaching, or career change coaching, I teach them a basic, five-minute meditation practice that they can do once a day and that fits into the busiest of lifestyles. This meditation practice complements the other standard coaching techniques that I use in my work.

Meditation as a tool for career change along with other types of coaching serves dual purposes:

  • It expands the horizon of our self awareness so we become aware of beliefs and thought patterns that may be blocking us from moving forward;
  • It provides a vehicle for communicating to the subconscious mind where deeply ingrained beliefs and thought patterns are embedded.

When clients come to me for coaching – whether it’s life, spiritual, or career change coaching – they are trying to get from point A to point B.  But for some reason, they aren’t getting to point B. Though they may be 100% committed to getting to point B, they just can’t seem to get there. This is because another part of them, or another part of their consciousness, is going to point C or point D. And in some cases, it’s going nowhere at all. This subversive part of them is their subconscious mind.

As a coach, I’ll spend some time talking with my clients about why their subconscious mind is running a different program. It’s usually due to an underlying fear of some kind and a corresponding commitment. In coaching parlance, we call this a “UAC” – an Underlying Automatic Commitment. A UAC is a commitment to something that we haven’t consciously chosen. That’s why it’s underlying.  And it’s happening involuntarily, which is why it’s automatic. Furthermore, it’s overriding the conscious commitment because it’s stronger.

For instance, if a career change coaching client comes to me and says he wants to leave his corporate job and become a writer. He has a conscious commitment to becoming a writer. But he hasn’t taken the necessary step(s) to become one.  In this case, a common UAC is that he is more committed to staying safe.  A less common UAC is that he is committed to proving something about himself to be true.  For example, he may be reinforcing a belief that was instilled in him as a child which told him he wasn’t creative enough to succeed or some variation of that theme.

UACs can be tricky to uncover. Some are deeply embedded. This is where meditation serves a very useful purpose.  It expands the horizon of our self awareness – not during the meditation – but throughout the day.  As we go about our day, we become increasingly aware of the subtler streams of consciousness (our thoughts and emotions) that are flowing through us. And as a result, we uncover these UACs.

Once we discover these Underlying Automatic Commitments, it’s just a matter of shining the light of our awareness on them and then balancing them. In order to balance them, you need to speak the language of the subconscious.  This is where meditation plays a pivotal role because the subconscious is most receptive when the conscious mind is most calm.  It’s like the lines of communication are open for business.

So after clients get acclimated with the basic, five-minute practice that I teach them, and once I get to know them better and what may be blocking them, I give them a technique for speaking to their subconscious that is tailored to address their particular UAC.

This is deeply transformative work but it doesn’t have to be hard. In fact, it isn’t. When the conscious and subconscious minds are on the same page, transformation can happen quickly and more importantly, it will be sustained. It’s actually pretty effortless once you unlock the keys to your subconscious mind and communicate to it in a language it understands. Meditation is a great tool for doing both.

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If You Hear the Message Three Times, LISTEN
by Patricia Heller
Hampton Roads Publishing Company
283 pages
Reviewed by Coach Bradley
If You Hear the Message is a highly readable and inspiring account of Patricia Heller’s transformation of suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) to becoming a spiritual and self aware healer. She takes us on a journey from curing her ‘incurable’ illness to investigating healing hands, past life regression, shamanism, manifesting greatness, automatic writing, heart centred transformation, her inner gypsy woman and many more. The book is actually an excellent survey of the healing arts in America over the past fifteen years.

The title refers to what she calls “listening to the universe”. When you hear the same message three times, it is time to pay attention. She gives several examples of when she heard messages three times before she got it. In a heart centred transformation centre in the Arizona desert she heard the teacher tell someone to move her energy to her heart and ‘let it go’. This didn’t make any sense to her at all. The second time she was in awe standing over the Grand Canyon. She turned to her teacher and told her how it was so beautiful it hurt her heart. She was told to ‘let it go.’ She looked at him as if he was an alien. Let go of what, she thought? During a full blown attack of CFS at the centre she was again told to ‘let it go’ when the penny finally dropped. She realized that holding onto her anger was making her physically sick. She had to hear it three times before she was able to really hear it and ‘get it’. That was her last attack of CFS.

In case you are thinking there isn’t a healing art Patricia doesn’t like, rest assured that she approaches them intelligently and with a healthy skepticism that is often absent in books of this type. The road she is on is long and winding, full of insights, pot holes, blind alleys and magnificent vistas. Patricia takes us on the tour with excitement, passion and humility, without trying to make us into converts or convince us that she has found ‘the path’ to enlightenment. In a graceful and humble way, she describes what she found on her own quest for enlightenment and if there is a piece you can take away from it then she has done her job.

Readers are rewarded by Patricia’s insights and warmth; she does an excellent job of writing clearly and extracting the meaning out her experiences. I marveled at her curiosity and capacity to absorb and integrate so many different teachings and to draw important lessons from them that have relevance for a general audience. This book is especially exciting for those who are or who are thinking of going on a similar journey of self discovery.

As a coach I am constantly reminded that it is not the events that shape our lives so much as how we respond to them that is what makes us who we are. This book demonstrates how a woman with spunk, determination, courage, curiosity, a great sense of humour overcame a seemingly hopeless situation and the death of her husband to arrive in a place of wisdom, compassion and happiness.

Bradley Foster is a Gestalt-trained life and leadership coach who lives in Toronto and practices across North America.

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On Freedom

Published on October 19, 2006 by in Metaphysics, Spiritual Practice Coaching

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Sometimes I get messages in my meditations that are muddled and sometimes they come in boldface, 14 point font. Yesterday was one of those days in which the message was loud and clear: “Resist nothing. Resist no-thing. When we become no thing, we can become anything. This is true freedom.”

This reminded me of an exchange I had once with a Zen Buddhist monk who asked me, “Laura, if you could be anywhere, where would you be?” I replied, “Here and now.” And then he said, “When you accept the moment, you have total freedom.”

All the spiritual teachings point to the “now.”  They say that everything we desire – peace, joy, freedom, abundance, and love – are in the present moment. So why do we resist the “now” if what we want is in the “now”? I think the answer is: desire. When we desire, we’re not here – we’re over there. Desire moves us away from the present moment. It says that what we need is in the future or in the past. 

The Buddha said that what prevented him from attaining enlightenment was that he was too determined to get it. In other words, he desired it too much.

To stay in the “now” we need to cultivate a state of being – not doing. When you accept the “now” – you are in a state of being. When you don’t accept the now, you have moved into a state of doing called resistance. The Power of Now,

The cultivation of a state of being – not doing – is a difficult concept for our culture to accept because we’re conditioned to be so achievement-oriented. We measure our success and self-worth according to what we have accomplished.  Yet, the more you are in the state of being, the more you will get done!

So how do we reconcile this wisdom with the principles of life coaching which are all about action? The trick is to have goals and to aspire towards the life that you want while maintaining contentment for the life that you have now. Without contentment, you won’t magnetize the goals because you’ll be in resistance. In the extreme, resistance takes the form of fear, depression, anxiety, among others. On a subtler level, resistance takes the form of boredom, dissatisfaction, or simply a desire for more of something. If you aren’t walking around in a state of total bliss, you’re in some state of resistance.

The irony is that in order to get what you want, you have to not want it. In other words, you can’t be in a state of want. You just need to “be.”

So go be. And be free!

(For more on this subject, I highly recommend The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Tolle is an authentic spiritual teacher and a great communicator. I like his book because it speaks the Truth while distilling principles of Eastern spiritual wisdom in a way that is accessible to a Western audience.)

Om sat tat om.

Laura (Swami Adityananda)

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The New York Times today published a fairly lengthy (six pages online; is that lengthy?) abstract from the journals of the late Susan Sontag (whose Against Interpretation either influenced me more than I imagined 15 years ago or I’ve just lately been coming independently to the same conclusions).  In her journal, Sontag writes, in 1966, of an acquaintance asking her how she feels when she discovers

say, three-fourths through something I’m writing that it is mediocre, inferior.  I reply that I feel good and plow on to the end.  I’m discharging the mediocre in myself. (My excremental image of my writing.)  It’s there.

I want to get rid of it.  I can’t negate it by an act of will.  (Or can I?)  I can only allow it its voice, get it out.  Then I can do something else.

At least, I know I won’t need to do that again.

This is interesting not just for writers.  The fear of making a “mistake” paralyzes anyone and everyone who is considering a relationship or a career.  Even as I suffer from the same, human fear, I’m fascinated by its irrationality.  A mistake?  Based on what criteria?  Compared to what standard?  I’ve never met anyone who could articulate why taking a job that lasts three years and then ends, or a relationship that lasts fifteen months and ends, ought to or even could be framed as a “mistake”.  It seems to me a reckless yearning toward efficiency and perfection.  And utterly paralyzing.

Sontag’s view here will be most easily comprehended by writers who often don’t even begin to write (as others don’t even begin to live) for fear that the results will turn out displeasing to them and therefore be — wait for it — “wasted”.  But anyone should be able to draw the analogies with his or her own life.

How unfortunate, to have such a limited and impoverished view of how we spend our days.  A world of “waste” versus efficiency, notions of time well spent versus perceptions of a slip in the march of allegedly forward progress.  If we can’t consider the idea that all that we do is a learning and opening up, if our story is, rather, that by acting we can only expose our mediocrity, well, it’s best not to act at all.  At the same time, if we can’t feel in our bones that there is not, in fact, any hurry to get to a place (that there is actually no place called happiness to get to), we feel compulsively compelled to act.

Thus begins the inner war.   

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So I’m reading a book that I’m referring to a lot in my life coaching these days. And this is a book that has elicited many “aha’s” for me, which is humbling because after all, I’m a Swami, and shouldn’t I have learned everything? I mean, do I really need to read yet another book? Well, apparently the answer is YES.

The book is Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks. And I understand the principles are similar to what’s espoused in the movie “The Secret.” Not surprisingly, both the book and the movie started showing up in my horizon of awareness at about the same time…funny how that happens…

The book outlines how to manifest your desires and more importantly, how to do it joyfully based on the “Law of Attraction” which is stated as: “That which is like unto itself is drawn.” Now this is nothing new and it’s what many of us teach in our life coaching along with other laws of the universe. But what’s so interesting about the teachings of this book is that it presents a very practical way of assessing how we’re doing with using the Law of Attraction as we strive to manifest our desired goals.

Here’s how it works…first, you use your thoughts to set the desired goal into motion. And you must continue to think those thoughts for the manifestation to occur. But you must also allow it to happen. In order to allow the desire to manifest, your vibrational frequency must match that which you want to manifest. The book uses an analogy of a radio: “In the same way that your radio tuner must be set to match the frequency of the broadcasting station you desire to hear, the vibrational frequency of your being must match the frequency of your desire.”

So, if you want peace, then you must feel peace – not just when you are imagining the goal but throughout the day. You need to be in resonance with the goal. In order to be in resonance to receive the desired result, you need to attune to it. You do that by invoking a feeling that is on the same frequency. And you invoke the feeling by thinking a thought that will elicit the feeling.

For example, if you want to manifest “joy” and “joy” is at 103.5 FM, but you are feeling “shame” or “guilt” and “guilt” is vibrating at 89.5 FM – then you are not in resonance with joy. To get there, you need to invoke a thought that will elicit a more positive feeling, which will help you move up the scale of emotion until you get to joy.

Your feelings are signposts or indicators of how you’re doing. The book calls this your “Emotional Guidance System.” What you are feeling from moment to moment indicates how close you are to manifesting your desired goal. This is because your feelings dictate your frequency of vibration and your frequency dictates what you attract due to the “Law of Attraction.”

Another major concept of Ask and It is Given is that there is this powerful, unlimited “stream of well-being” that is flowing through the universe. Again, this isn’t anything new but it’s a different way of presenting what some have called “Source” or “Brahman” or “God” or “Love.” Whatever the term, the stream of well-being is there and will always be there. And we are all connected to it. In fact, we are IT. But we don’t know it or haven’t experienced IT because we are out of tune or alignment with it.

I love when things that I read are in alignment with the mystical concepts that I studied. It just reinforces the idea that there is one body of truth and many ways to say it. In Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, he defines Kriya Yoga as self study, self discipline and “attunement to the indwelling Reality.”

We need to attune to the all pervasive energy (of “well-being”) that exists within us and around us by tuning our frequency to a higher vibration. And you do it through feelings. How practical!

Of course, like most of these books, the trick is in applying it. And for some, this is where “spiritual life coaching” comes into play. Many of us are stuck in the realm of theoretical understanding, or in the “mental body.” And as this book states, we need to know it by feeling it.

As I write this, I am thinking about what I am feeling. And I’m optimistic about the future. We are truly living in such an exciting time because the wisdom of the ages is becoming more and more accessible. We don’t have to trek to the Himalayas to find it; it’s at the local bookstore!

May we all be blessed with this wisdom that we will be an even greater blessing to others!

Om Sat Tat Om.

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131_3174.JPGFor some reason I woke up this morning at 3 am thinking about love, self-doubt, and karma. I was having a nightmare about a brake up with an x-boyfriend. I was dismayed by how much anger and negative energy I still had stored up about a relationship that happened 15 years ago. Why was this invading my dream time? It was something I thought I resolved awhile ago, or more appropriately just ignored and thought it would go away. Weird how the unconcious keeps you honest.

MY STORY: What really disappointed me is the way this relationship ended was how I thought that I openly hearted approached him with an apology with love and how the sentiment wasn’t returned. My intention was love. What I took away was self-doubt, anger, etc. That just seemed cruel and injust. For the last 15 years that was how the story ended in my book.

THE TRUTH:Well, I was contemplating this idea at 3 am this morning… I started really thinking about the true unfolding of the story. I broke up with the guy without a ton of notice and created self-doubt in him and likely whether my love for him was true. While he received and probably appreciated the love. It was too little, too late. Kind of a convenient part of the story I forgot in my rendition:) Upon reflection, I was expecting him to give me this story book response sort of like you’d see in a movie. What I realized that instead of the love loop I was hoping for, the only loop was self-doubt. The doubt I gave him came back to me and was not resolved until yesterday night, when I let go of the story and came to grips with the reality and the full picture.

So, last night I did a Buddhist prayer and sent him love..true love and asked for forgiveness ending the karmic circle of self-doubt and creating one of forgiveness and love (in whatever form that may take). Here’s what I now realize 15 years later. Love cannot be given with expectations. You give love with no expectation of getting it returned or returned in the same way it was given. My husband reminded me of all the love that my father had given me. While I gave back the love in my own way (operative word…my own ) it was probably not proportionate with the love I received. However,years later my father’s love for me pours out in the love I shower our children with… so it continues on. Loving someone means giving love with no expectations, no conditions on how it will be expressed back, or if it will ever be expressed back. This is true unconditional love.

So, why the heck was I dreaming about all this anyway? Oh… the joy of our minds. I was just pouring love into my child yesterday and thinking how it some times feels like an endless well. What my dream reminded me of was that I had to let go again of my story book picture of my child showering me with the same number of kisses, and just give love without any expectations. This is true unconditional love.

Namaste, C.J.

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