Today a client wanted to talk about micromanaging.  This is a very conscientious CEO of a young startup company, his second as a founder.  In fact, he didn’t recall that when he came to me years ago, for startup coaching, he had the same concern.  Was he striking the right balance between providing direction and showing confidence in his team, or was he meddling and thereby not only reducing his own productivity as CEO but signaling a disempowering lack of faith in his team?

A single example, such as the one my client gave me, is not reason for concern.  If micromanagement really exists, it will crop up over and over, and you will have a large sample size of complaints!  (My client’s recent 360-degree reviews had also unearthed no hint of excessive meddling).

Micromanagement is a Symptom of Unmanaged Anxiety

Where does micromanaging come from?  It’s a symptom of unmanaged anxiety.  That anxiety may create or simply exacerbate an existing lack of confidence or trust in the work of the person being micromanaged.  The message being, daily, “I’m not confident you can succeed the first time you try this, so I’m going to help you.”  Or rescue you.  And in the end, disempower you and take away your sense of mastery as a person.

You see the same thing in inexperienced parents, who intrude, meddle, or are otherwise “co-dependent” in not allowing their children the prospect of the temporary failures that, when overcome, lead to both psychological resilience and mastery.  (These may be the same parents who, contra Dweck, mistakenly praise outcomes rather than process and effort.  In doing so, they train their children that outcomes (“Good job!”) and relatively fixed traits (e.g., intelligence – “You’re so smart!”) are the important thing, and that if you don’t achieve the desired outcome immediately, it is time to quit – for you are clearly not intelligent enough, and you have failed).

One major problem caused by micromanagement is the serious consequences it has on the personal or professional growth of the micromanagee.

Intrusive, micromanaging parents are unable to tolerate the anxiety and other bad feelings that come up when they imagine their child “failing”.  And so their micromanagement is emotionally reactive.

Solution:  Self-Awareness

The first thing we can say about micromanagement is that it is less likely to happen if we are aware of our own anxieties.  So we must continually practice awareness and ask ourselves the question, “How much of my desire to interfere comes from my anxiety — usually without solid evidence — that this person cannot or will not do the job perfectly the first time?”  And then ask yourself, “Am I willing to eliminate this person’s chance to discover the utterly empowering fact of having been challenged with setbacks that he’s eventually overcome by force of his own persistence, creativity, and psychological resilience?”

How else can a manager reduce his anxiety and increase his confidence?  By ensuring he’s done the best job he can in his recruiting, for one.  You don’t want to be anxious about an employee’s abilities in the areas for which she was hired.

A manager should also collaborate closely with the employee to ensure project direction has been made clear, that the employee does possess the necessary technical skills, and, last but not least, that the employee knows she has the confidence of the manager.  Tell the employee that you will check in occasionally, but the reason is not lack of confidence, but a need to know the status of things.  And that your conversations should not be considered evidence of lack of confidence but as brainstorming and collaboration.

“One is never so bold as when one is sure of being loved,” Freud explained.  If you want bold employees, the kind who are “action-oriented” and “take initiative,” then you need to help build that up in them by allowing them to fail, alone, in the knowledge that they are respected and appreciated and approved of (even loved!), and you need to let them overcome, alone, without being rescued before they can achieve the breakthrough that makes them feel like heroes.  A sense of autonomy and mastery are crucial to both high job satisfaction for an employee and high-level creative outcomes for the employer.

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Dysfunctional families come in all shapes, sizes and mixtures.  It really doesn’t matter whether you are divorced or single parent or blended family, one of the results of being raised in a dysfunctional family is often an underlying lack of confidence, or lack of ability to feel good about yourself.  Despite high accomplishment in career or some other area of life, many coaching clients find Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) can make a huge difference in raising self-esteem and confidence.  Clients  push through old barriers to personal and professional success.

Beating the Dysfunctional Family Syndromes with NLP

Though coaching is not therapy, and therapy is a very important aspect of healing from issues of dysfunctional families, coaching is the avenue that assists people in getting out of the issues.  With coaching clients have the support to rise above what stopped them in the past.

Many very accomplished people have  benefited from coaching to raise confidence and self-esteem, as well as improve their productivity and fulfillment in many areas of life.  Despite high achievement, and due to the symdromes some suffer due dysfunctional family history, people you would think “have it all together” may actually be overcompensating for feeling inadequate on the inside.  In fact they minimize their achievements — don’t see them as important or any “big deal,” despite the fact that the respect, recognition and admiration of others continues to come their way.

Let’s look at some of the common characteristics of dysfunctional families are many, and what is written here (below) is by no means a thorough list, but it is a significant set of challenges often experienced.

#1 – Addiction of some kind (most often alcohol or drugs, but workaholism, food addiction and obesity, even gambling, over-the-top sexual activity and shopping into bankruptcy are included here)

#2 – Control of a specific family member exerted on others in the family – to the point of being unreasonable, sometimes even harmful, stunting and bordering on family members feeling like they are captive.

#3 – Unpredictability and Fear – often there is unpredictable financial matters, emotional blow ups and the common feeling that when things are good, it’s only a matter of time before the proverbial “other shoe drops” and Daddy gets drunk again.

#4 – Conflict – while many families experience conflict, in dysfunctional families conflict seems almost constant and heated.  There may be an ongoing sense of resentment that seems to pervade relationships in a dysfunctional family, and in some cases anger and resentment that cannot be expressed openly for fear of ruffling feathers may well be hidden in passive-aggressive types of behavior.

#5 – Abuse may show itself as either physical or emotional (put downs, name calling, criticism) or it may be both. Worse still is emotional abuse during the physical abuse.

#6 – Perfectionism bespeaks of expectations that are not realistic and often children in dysfunctional families may be A+++ students and “perfect little angels” precisely because they feel they need to be perfect to get their parents to love them.

#7 – Poor Communication – you would think it obvious from all of the above characteristics, and communication within dysfunctional families is often strained, or it may not even exist.  Issues (particularly those of abuse, disrespect, terrible arguments never resolved, and neglect) are often swept under the rug.

#8 – Poor personal boundaries.  Often clients will complain how they feel as though they are “people pleasers” and they don’t want to “make waves.”  Typically, because of so much conflict growing up in the family, they avoid conflict as adults and they seem to avoid it by continually putting their needs and opinions last.  This syndrome (an aspect of codependency) is insidious and most suffer from extreme resentments because they never really stand up for themselves.

So what is NLP?  How can NLP help you make changes?

NLP is a method, set of techniques, or personal development system first developed in the early 1970s by psychologist Richard Bandler and linquist John Grinder in association with Gregory Bateson (British anthropologist and social scientist).

NLP uses a toolbox of strategies, axioms and beliefs about human communication, perception and subjective experience. The core principle is that an individual’s thoughts, gestures and words interact to create their perception of the world. By changing their outlook, using a variety of techniques, a person can improve their attitudes and actions.

NLP teaches that a person can develop successful habits by amplifying helpful behaviors and diminishing negative ones. Positive change can come when one carefully reproduces the behaviors and beliefs of successful people (called ‘modeling’). It also states that all human beings have all the resources necessary for success within themselves.

NLP techniques may be used in group trainings, seminars, or individual consultations. Practitioners deal with personal issues like framing negative beliefs, dealing with stage fright and simple phobias or depression.  Adherents may take up NLP as a skill set for coaching, consulting, or counseling. Trainers may mix NLP techniques with ideas about motivational techniques, adult learning, management, and sales training.

As a coach trained in NLP I have seen some miraculous transformations within my clients.  Whatever your goals – whether personal or professional  – if the syndrome(s) from being raised in a dysfunctional family is stopping you from your achievements, destroying your relationships and holding you back from living all that you want to live, it’s time to break the barriers and push past the past.

Here is a tremendous resource

If you live in Tampa Bay, here is a terrific resource for you  if you have a loved one trapped in an addiction: http://www.tampabayalanon.org/.  Anywhere else in the Country you can find Al-Anon groups and organizations by simply searching on the internet for your location.

Or contact me for a free consultation through www.Ferocecoaching.com

To Your Success,

Rev. Dr. Christina Winsey

Coach, Author, Speaker, Board Eligible Diplomate of the American College of Addictionology and Compulsive Disorders.

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Dare To Dream

Do you dare to dream or are you working for a living?  This is the time of year when we are all feverishly making our New Year’s resolutions or what I call the biggest to-do list of the year.  Yet, what are the odds of success?  Usually it is natural to decide that this is the year that you will make the big changes and create the life you’re destined to live.

Before you embark on this path, let’s review your past history.  Have you made New Year’s resolutions before?  If so, then how many have you kept?  If you’re like most people, it’s just another way to validate why your life and career aren’t working or living up to your expectations.

Let’s review these expectations.  Where do they come from?  Do you decide how you will rate your progress or is it defined by how you compare yourself to others?  Are you satisfied with the standards by which you measure yourself, or are you ready to take a look if this is really working for you?  If you are willing to peek under the hood, let’s explore how you can easily shift your focus to tune into your true vision.

When I was growing up, my father called me a “dreamer.”  Yet, without our dreams, how can we even get clear about what we truly want?  Take a stroll down memory lane and begin to remember when you were about 8 or 9 years old.

• What were you involved with?
• What captured your interest?  Your imagination?
• List the activities you enjoyed.
• Any similarities or differences from your later years?  Sometimes our early years may reveal your true interests without censorship or comparison to others.
• Pay attention to your observations or insights.

If you’ve strayed away from your earlier interests and just fell into the work you’re doing, this could be the reason you’re no longer satisfied with your progress.  If that’s the case, even if you reach the pinnacle of your career and appear extremely successful to others, you still may not be happy.  In my book, 3 Brains for Success, I explain the model I developed for success and happiness.  It all starts with clarity.  Once you have clarity about where you’re headed, you can develop a personal strategic plan and move forward.  The key is to start with your true heart’s desires because otherwise you will be working hard and going through the motions but will never become satisfied with your progress.

According to the latest Gallup Well-Being Survey, the highest income earners and senior citizens reported the highest job satisfaction.  With age, satisfaction increases.  How do you define satisfaction?  Does it mean abandoning your childhood dreams and settling to meet your budget?  Is there a way you can discover your true heart’s desire and make a plan to slowly transition or integrate it into reality?  I’m not advocating quitting your day job or changing careers.  I’m just encouraging you to examine your true motives and where you would like to be at the end of your working life.  It’s never too late to start.

Take a look at my favorite example of someone who dared to dream, was very clear about her heart’s desires to become a professional singer and astounded the world.  Listen below as Susan Boyle sings, “I Dreamed a Dream” as she begins her dream at 47:

Are you ready to discover your dream?  Remember, it’s not what they say you are, it’s about what you know you are.

Try a free coaching consultation with Wanda Ropa, your success coach, to get you started and get clear about where you’re going with your career, or with your life so you can develop a strategic plan that really works for you.  With clarity, success becomes a natural outcome.
Posted by Wanda Ropa, The Success Coach.

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One Step Forward

I want you to ask yourself,“what is the smallest step I can take towards achieving my life vision today?”

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The thought of a job interview evokes fear for many individuals, including many of my clients.  The majority of the time it’s about lack of confidence or the pressure to perform.  This feeling is enhanced when you really want a specific job or believe this is your dream role.

Research has shown that our minds and the way we think can affect our bodies.  Yet, do you realize that your body posture can actually impact the way you think and feel about yourself?  This is especially important during a job interview or when you’re giving a presentation.

Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist has conducted research on power and dominance in human behavior.  Her findings validate that people in power roles or those who feel powerful actually exude confidence and are resilient to stress.  Being confident and unaffected by stress are 2 traits that are desired in a job interview or during a presentation.  So, what can you do to easily shift into success when it feels like you’re under a microscope or being judged during the interview process?

Listen to Amy Cuddy’s TED talk where she provides a quick 2-minute technique that can actually change the outcome of your next job interview.  Just like athletes achieve peak performance with practice, you too can become more confident and less stress reactive by practicing power posing as demonstrated below.

Remember, if you need more support to guide you through preparing for your next significant interview or presentation;  be sure to seek out the services of an expert interview coach who has a whole toolbox of techniques to make it easy and effortless.

Posted by Wanda Ropa, The Success Coach.

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Are you listening to everyone but yourself about what path you should take in your career?  Are you just staying in your current role or taking the next position because that’s what’s expected from you?

This year marks the 72nd anniversary of the movie, The Wizard of Oz.

In the movie, Dorothy is repeatedly told to follow the yellow brick road by everyone she meets and she blindly listens.  Are you just following the yellow brick road in your career? Have you been just listening to everybody else and now finding that you are either dissatisfied, not completely fulfilled, unemployed, or just stuck about what to do next?  Every day, just like advertising, we are bombarded with new stories of individuals who have defied the odds and achieved unexpected success.  Everywhere you turn people are looking for the secret formula, the yellow brick road that will just lead them there, if they just follow and not ask questions.

However, in my experience working with clients from all walks of life, unless you choose your path, you will never truly be happy.  Whether you choose to stay exactly where you are, or transition to another career, the key is that you choose.  One clue to help you uncover if you’re in the right spot is to review the last time you had a peak experience at work.  Take a moment to reflect when you were last on top of your game, when everything was flowing smoothly and you were motivated and enjoying your work. How long has it been?  Have you ever had a peak experience at work?  If you are feeling unmotivated and struggling to either go to work, look for a job, or drum up new business it might be because you’re not really clear that you want to continue what you’ve been doing over and over.  You see unless you have chosen this path for yourself, you will naturally resist, even if it’s unconscious.  This resistance will make it harder to move forward on your goals and will hold you back.

Yet, with more choices and advanced speed in communication, there are more resources available than ever before.  The Internet has changed our world and this is the first time we have ever connected to each other in this way.  From Linked In, to Facebook, to Twitter, our people connections are growing exponentially.  Yet, with all of this external stimulation, there is little time to focus internally and reflect.  Therefore, if you find yourself just reacting and riding the assembly line of life without pausing to figure out where you’re going, you will end up on the nowhere road and wonder how you got there.  Just like Dorothy, in the Wizard of Oz, everyone told her to follow the yellow brick road.

So, what does this all mean?  Let’s look at the bigger picture to understand some of the influences exerting pressure on us.  In our generation, in America, we have witnessed more life defining moments and fundamental shifts in how the world and business operates.  Since 9/11, there has been a lot of pressure to find our true passion or our life purpose.  Seven years later, in November 2008, the housing crisis fundamentally changed the playing field.  Everything we believed and were told to follow has fundamentally shifted.

How can you find your road map for success in career, relationships, and life when the world has turned upside down? One way to start is to frame our shared experience.

It feels like we have all stepped onto a “Rotor-ride” or more currently known as the Gravitron ride where the world has been spinning and our floor has dropped out. However, the ride hasn’t stopped, most of us are still spinning. Yet, we can’t operate in the same way. As you are becoming aware, it’s not business as usual anymore. The floor or foundation disappeared when the economy and marketplace shifted and historic business structures tumbled down the rabbit hole.

Yes, just like global warming, the job and business climate has changed.  However, crisis breeds opportunity if you know how to use it.

The very next action step to take is to decide if you want to choose what happens next in your career.  If you’re ready to step off the yellow brick road, define where you’re going and develop your strategic road map, then it might be helpful to work with a career coach to jump-start this process and make it easier.

Try a free coaching consultation with Wanda Ropa, your success coach, to get you started and get clear about where you’re going with your career, or with your life so you can develop a strategic plan that really works for you.  With clarity, success becomes a natural outcome.

Posted by Wanda Ropa, The Success Coach.

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“As there were no real answers in her life. She was in abeyance. Stuck in a pattern of waiting for a future she could not guess.” ~Anya Seton

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Things Are Different Now

The world has shifted. All the old paradigms of success are being tested and put on trial as we watch in disbelief. As individuals and a society, we are now faced with redefining how we will thrive in these new and ever-changing times.  In the last fifty years, we have seen a social and economic revolution.  As our culture changed, so did the music.  The Beatles started the musical revolution and ushered in a new era that expanded our connections to the world.  Step into yesterday as the Beatles whisk you back to 1966 and take a moment to reflect on what the world was like in that era.

In the 60’s, the world was clearly defined. During the Industrial age, people usually went to work for one employer and remained there until retirement. As we experienced the Information Age and everything moved faster and faster, the world of work started to change.

Fifteen years ago, Daniel Goleman talked about the new rules for work as he wrote about emotional intelligence. According to his findings, it was no longer enough to have intellectual ability and technical know-how to do our jobs; it was now about personal qualities, such as initiative, empathy, adaptability, and persuasiveness. Ten years later, Daniel Pink cited further evidence of change, in A Whole New Mind, when he acknowledged that we moved from the Information Age to the Conceptual Age. With globalization and shareholders demanding more ROI, large corporations, small business owners and employees alike are experiencing uncertain economic times. Only one thing is certain, increasing your marketability increases your chances of thriving in this current economy.

So, how is the new economy working in your favor? Because now you get to be in the driver’s seat by creating your personal brand and leveraging it in the marketplace to get the results you want.

The new rule: When everybody zigs, zag. – Marty Neumeier

You can easily do this by radically differentiating from your competition by translating your natural talents, skills, and experience into your unique value proposition:  your personal brand.  Being in the driver’s seat with your career means that you treat your career as if you were running a business.  The first place to start is to have clarity about where you’re going.  If you’re not clear about your vision or where you’re headed, you end up on the nowhere road.  In the story, The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy was advised to follow the yellow brick road.  This was not a path she chose on her own.  She didn’t have all the facts.  As a result, her long journey ended with a wizard in Emerald City who had no answers and couldn’t help her reach her goals.  She just wanted to get home.

When we create our personal brand, we come home to ourselves.  We step into who we are and finally get comfortable in our own skin.  Think about individuals you may know that stand out from the crowd.  Do they have exceptional talent or have they discovered how to leverage what they have and translate it to the world?  Career coaching can easily help you identify and package yourself to fundamentally improve your career advantage so you increase your marketability and your market worth.

Neumeier acknowledges that your brand is not what YOU say it is.  It’s what THEY say it is. It’s about building your personal reputation, as well as your digital presence.

It’s about how others perceive your value.  The public’s gut feelings about the company, their products and services impact the best business brands.  It is not enough to have emotional intelligence and just understand yourself.  In today’s market, you need to understand how you impact the world at large or how marketable you really are.  Many of my career coaching and business coaching clients start working with me to get promoted, transition to a better career, be successful in their job search, start or develop their businesses.  Whether you’re an entrepreneur, climbing the corporate ladder, or just trying to land a higher paying job, the first place to begin is to examine your state of mind.  Are you clear about your vision?  Do you have clarity about where you’re going?  Once you have clarity, the decisions are easy with the right tools and resources.  If you aren’t clear or need support discovering the right tools and resources that fit you, try a free career coaching or business coaching consultation to explore if coaching is right for you.

Try a free coaching consultation with Wanda Ropa, your success coach, to get you started and get clear about where you’re going with your career, or with your life so you can develop a strategic plan to become more marketable that really works for you.  With clarity, success becomes a natural outcome.

Posted by Wanda Ropa, The Success Coach.

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If you are in the job search market, you have inevitably heard about creating your 30 second elevator pitch for networking purposes.  But how far has that that pitch gotten you?  As a recap, the old elevator pitch is a quick highlight of your work experiences and key successes (aka: abridged resume).

But, what if you have decided to shift your career focus a bit or even — “gasp” — change your career to truly align with your dreams?  Where can you pull the data for that pitch if you don’t have direct work experience? Yes, you absolutely have several transferable skills, but will those get the attention of the person listening to your pitch?  

Here is a way for them to really hear you–put the passion behind your message and start speaking to your natural talents in your personal brand. With the competition seeming even greater for the career changers, ignite the passion within your personal message and unlock the secret to differentiating you from all the rest.

It will not only get you in the door for an interview, but you will be “the competition”.   And you will make the jobs of any recruiter and hiring team a cinch, since often their final decision factor between the last two candidates is typically made on “fit” and personality.  Since you will lead the interview with your personal brand, which has a component of why you are really there along with your vision, they will be able to see how you are the perfect person for the role.  Now, let’s get started with creating your personal “passionate” brand.  Get your free consultation with Wendy.

Wendy is a current career and life coach at Feroce and former HR professional. Read more about her.

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I am so passionate about making sure the public does not fool itself with diet fads and the ideas of eating cookies and cakes as “acceptable,” as long as the calories are counted.  Don’t get me wrong – you don’t have to go your entire life never having another cookie or piece of chocolate cake, but in weight loss it is like making your body trudge uphill.  

Here is an explanation:  You may have heard the term “Glycemic Index,” as being very important to your goal.  So just what does Glycemic Index (GI) mean?  In the simplest of explanations,  it is the measure (compared to white bread) of how quickly a food will raise the sugar levels of your blood after eating it. (See Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glycemic_Index).   It is far better for foods to slowly provide your cells with the fuel it needs, rather than a big dump of sugar into the system.

Without going into great explanation and detail, keep in mind that the more your blood sugar is high, the more your body is trying to pump out insulin to manage your blood sugar and keep it at normal levels.  What it can’t manage ends up as fat deposits.  If this happens chronically over time eventually a person may develop type II diabetes. 

In regard to weight loss, suffice it to say it won’t help you lose weight and keep it off if the foods you eat have a high GI.

Something equally important to keep in mind is the Glycemic Load (GL).  It is calculated by multiplying the GI by the amount of carbohydrate grams in a particular food and then dividing by 100 (Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glycemic_load).   The GL tells us a bit more about how quickly and how much a food will raise blood sugar levels, and what is very important to keep in mind is that fiber assists in slowing down the breakdown of carbohydrates – a higher fiber-containing food is a far better choice than one with little fiber.

How do we apply this?  Take the raw carrot and the cooked potato.  The carrot has a higher GI but a healthier GL because it has far more fiber than the potato.  The potato goes right into your system and breaks down to raise blood sugar quickly – less fiber to get through.   

This is a topic that truly bears note.  If you are counting points or calories on a particular program for weight loss, you may think that a piece of chocolate cake can be okay, as long as you calculate the number of calories into your day, or the number of points on your daily point system. 

However, it is not a great choice in the long run.  Yes it can fit into your point system or calorie count for the day, but does that mean it will be the food that keeps your blood sugar levels healthy and normal?  Absolutely not! 

If you want to not only lose weight but learn how to keep it off and live a lifestyle of health, study this topic.  It will make a world of difference.

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