Attention Parents!  No More Yelling!  A Parenting Coach Can Make the Difference

Fourteen years later, I was participating in a life coaching training.  Coaches from all over the country practiced speaking to each other in a direct and focused way.  We learned to listen to each other on more than one level.  We trained ourselves to recognize when we became distracted.  We threw away the blame and defensiveness that was bred into us.  We made requests of each other and acknowledged each other’s strengths. 

I began to wonder what it would look like if parents spoke to their children this way.  Could we truly throw away the old saying, “Do what you are told”?  Could this be an answer to the confusion of parenting? Could parenting coach techniques make the difference in my home?
 

I flashed back to fourteen years ago and remembered what I had seen at my friend’s home in Iowa. She and her husband made eye contact with their kids. They stopped doing what they were doing to listen to and speak with their kids. They made clear requests and followed up to insure the requests were done. They praised their kids for a job well done.
 

I started imagining dialogues between parents and kids. The more I played with this idea, the more I was sure that we, the parents, hold the key to our relationship with our children. When we speak to our children with focus and specifics we get results. When we show respect we get respect back.
 

I wondered if a conversation such as this might work between parent and child?
 

Mom, “Johnny, I have a request.” (Respectful)
Johnny “What is it mom?” (Curious response)
Mom – “I would like to request that you make your bed”. (Specific request)
Johnny –“Yeah, OK…” (Partial commitment)
Mom- “When will you do this?” (Specific pinning down)
Johnny, “After this show.” (Commitment)
Mom- “Johnny, how will I know that it is done?” (Accountability)
Johnny- “Um……..I know, I’ll call you up to my room and show you my bed all made!” (Commitment to be accountable)
Mom –“Great Johnny, I can’t wait to see it! I know that you will get right on this after the show and I can already imagine what a great job you will do!” (Championing and Visioning)
Johnny, “Thanks mom!”
 

This coaching approach encourages parents to be good listeners, ask questions and ultimately teach respect.  Maybe, the bed gets made with the absence of yelling, frustration and punishment.  Parents can feel successful at parenting.  Children can feel proud about pleasing their parents and accomplishing tasks that may appear overwhelming.

Can any of us imagine this working?  I can and I gave a try with my two teenage children.  What I found was that the kids were so surprised that I was asking them when they might do a chore rather than commanding them to do it immediately that they responded to me fairly well.  After a while, they were on to me… (I usually test my parenting ideas out on them first before sharing them with my clients.)  They shared that they liked this new way of communicating. 

What I do know is that I’m enjoying doling out the chores, where I used to dread it and there is a lot less frustration around getting chores done than before.  I’m going to keep at it… I think I’m on to something!  The techniques of a Parenting Coach have made the difference of how I parent my children.  I no longer yell and I can honestly say that I am a calm parent.

Contact Susan for a free coaching session.

Susan P, Epstein, LCSW, parent and family coach, works with parents and families looking for satisfaction, balance and growth.  Susan is an expert in the areas of family dynamics, parenting and child development and her unique blend of therapy and coaching combine to make her a powerful catalyst for change.

She practiced psychotherapy for 23 years before becoming a coach, writer and speaker.  Susan graduated from University of California at Berkeley School of Social Welfare.  She is a licensed clinical social worker in Connecticut and Rhode Island.  Susan also completed training with the Coaches Training Institute, an internationally accredited coach training organization.  Learn more about Susan.

Articles and Specialties of Susan Epstein:

Life Coach

Family Coach: Six Tips to Less Stress at Home

Grief Coach: Advice on Helping Children Grieve the Loss of a Family Member: Step I

The Making of a Teen Life Coach

Teen Life Coach Riffs on the College Homesick Blues

Teen Life Coaching Workshop

Teen Life Coaching:  Drugs and Alcohol

Parent Coaching Testimonial

Teen Life Coaching FAQs

Family Coach: Six Tips for Enjoying Your Kids While Working From Home

Adolescent Coaching: Through the Generation Gap

Parent Coach

Parent Coaching

Parenting Coaching in the Fast Lane (workshop)

Parent Coaching Workshops

Parenting Coach:  Attention Parents!  No More Yelling!

Parenting Coach:  Attention Parents!  No More Yelling! (part 2)

Couples Coaching:  Rediscover the Joy